"Sing praises to the Lord, O you his saints, and give thanks to his holy name. For his anger is but for a moment, and his favor is for a lifetime. Weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes with the morning." - Psalm 30:4-5
Have you ever been hurt before, either by someone or by a circumstance? It doesn't feel good and can cause serious damage to us and our self-esteem. My mom always said growing up that "Hurting people, hurt people." Although we may not have deserved the hurt we received from a person or circumstance, we are responsible for how we respond to it. If we're not careful, we can let that hurtful instance cause us to go and hurt others.
Today I want to encourage you with 10 ways to keep going after being hurt.
1. Pray for the person/about the situation that hurt you.
"Father, forgive them for they know not what they do." - Luke 6:27-28
Recognizing that they probably have no idea the amount of hurt they're causing is the first step to seeing from their perspective rather than being defensive from ours. Hurt can cause us to want to defend and see the person/situation as the enemy. I love what Jesus says when He is persecuted, "Forgive them for they know not what they do."
Many times people hurt others without realizing the damage they're causing. We may be tempted to carry resentment and hate towards them, but having the perspective that they may not know the hurt they're causing and praying for them, their hearts, situations, and life struggles removes any bitterness we may feel towards them.
2. Know that God sees your pain and hates when people hurt others.
"You (God) have kept count of my tossing; put my tears in your bottle. Are they not in your book?" - Psalm 56:8
God sees every hurt done to you and cares about your pain. We may try to dismiss the hurt we feel because we think it's insignificant compared to the starvation and slavery others are experiencing around the world, but I want to encourage you that whether we experience physical, mental, emotional, or spiritual pain, God cares about the condition and well-being of our hearts more than about what type of suffering is done to us.
Hurting others is not inspired by the character of God and He deeply is moved when we feel mistreated by others.
3. Forgive, Forgive, and Forgive
"Then Peter came and said to Him, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me and I forgive him? Up to seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven." - Matthew 18:21-22
Forgiveness is saying that the guilt the person deserves is no longer held against them. It is a humbling act that sets us free from becoming bitter in the world. If we truly want to be free, healed, and have joy in the morning, then we must forgive.
But forgiveness isn't a one-time decision - it's a daily decision.
4. Be patient with yourself through the healing process.
"O Lord my God, I cried to you for help, and you have healed me, O Lord, you have brought up my soul from Sheol; you restored me to life from among those who go down to the pit." - Psalm 30:2-3
Healing takes time. Being patient with yourself means allowing you to:
1. Feel the pain
2. Grieve the hurt
4. Allow Him to restore your brokenness
Our goal should be to heal FULLY and live healthy spiritually, mentally, and emotionally. Sweeping, ignoring, or trying to avoid deep pain in your heart will only make matters worse in the long run. You may experience short-term relief but if the pain is not healed, the wounds from this hurt will show up in the way you talk to others, love them, see yourself, and ultimately see God.
Let's be people who give ourselves as much time as we need to heal FULLY!
5. Let it go.
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight." - Proverbs 3:5-6
Thinking about the experience, words spoken, and actions committed will not bring enlightenment to the situation. If anything, our dwelling on a situation only leads to overthinking, worrying, fearing, and making assumptions about people that aren't true.
I had this happen to me this past week. I received a small sign of rejection and worried that the person had heard bad things about me and didn't see me as a good person they could trust. Thankfully the Lord revealed that I was leaning on my own understanding and didn't know for a fact that the person had received bad information. A few days later I heard from the person and everything was fine.
Assumptions get us nowhere. The best thing to do is trust God and LET IT GO!
6. Don't take it personally.
"Also do not take to heart everything people say, lest you hear your servant cursing you. For many times, also, your own heart has known that even you have cursed others." - Ecclesiastes 7:21-22
When someone hurts you, they often are dealing with their own hurts, brokenness, and insecurities more so than wanting to attack who you are. We all are human, sin, and have probably hurt others a time or two in our lives. The point isn't to excuse our behavior but to see that hurting one another is a curse from The Fall and is inevitable in a fallen world. Therefore, not allowing these instances to consume us shows our maturing and growth in applying Solomon's recommendation.
7. Start over and love them.
"Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends". - 1 Corinthians 13:4-8
When I say start over, I mean count no record of wrong. We are called to love everyone, even people who hurt us and do us wrong. Setting healthy boundaries is good, but we need to make sure our hearts don't subconsciously remember the hurt/wrongdoing the person caused us.
Here is how we love them:
Be patient with them (Keep giving them chances to change just like God grants us many chances to change and repent to Him).
Be kind (Talk to and about them with a kind heart).
Do not envy them (Don't be jealous or covet their position, situations, or blessings in their life).
Do not boast about yourself (Don't compare yourself to others and refer to your actions as better or more righteous than theirs. We all sin and have fallen short of the glory of God).
Do not be proud (Don't see yourself as better, higher, righteous, or more holy than the person that hurt you. No one is righteous, not one. We are all on the same level in the eyes of God).
Do not be rude (Don't talk to them rudely because of the pain they caused. They are broken and in need of a Savior just like we do).
Do not be selfish (Choose their goodness over yours - serve them).
Do not get easily angered by their actions.
Do not keep a record of wrong.
Rejoice at what you know is true and what God says about them in His Word (Do not gossip and rejoice about assumptions or what you think based on your understanding).
Endure with their brokenness.
Believe the best about them.
Hope the best for them.
Never stop loving them.
8. Talk well of them.
"Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves." - Romans 12:10
Honoring someone means valuing their position in your heart not just outwardly on your face and in your words. This doesn't mean we always agree and obey what they say, but that even in times of disagreement and conflict we still treat them with respect and love.
I love what our pastor said, "Allow people to bring something up without them having to pay for bringing it up." We need to create space in our relationships for people to bring up a behavior, habit, tendency, character flaw, etc. without attacking (hurting them) for bringing it up.
Hearing a character flaw about ourselves doesn't feel good, but it is essential as we sharpen one another in Christ. We may not can control what people say to and about us but we can control how we respond.
9. See your worth in Christ not in how they treat you.
"And if children, then heirs-heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, provided we suffer with him in order than we may also be glorified with him." - Romans 8:17
If you believe in Jesus and have put your trust in Him, then you are a child of God. No hurt, attack, persecution, or death sentence can separate you from the identity you have gained in Christ.
We must remember this every time someone hurts us. They're actions do not determine our worth, Christ does!
10. Rejoice and give thanks.
"Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing." - James 1:2-4
Rejoicing in our suffering is hard.
But again, we cannot lean on OUR understanding. If God says that suffering produces steadfastness, which leads to us having His perfect character, lacking in nothing, then we must believe and trust that this hurt is only helping us become more like Christ.
Giving thanks and rejoicing in these sorrowful times helps us see the light at the end of the tunnel and realize that joy does come in the morning!
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